A Life In The Circus…

*this is a repost from the old blog  a few yrs ago here  *

 

I have pretty much come to accept that my life is made up of a circus act,

 requiring me to balance on fine lines, keep juggling balls all in the air,

and be ring master of the whole shebang all at the same time…

 

I have to say, this life is a humbling experience.

 

this circus act has me constantly falling into the abyss, dropping balls left and right, and either screaming in or neglecting my megaphone all together.

 

first off, I should say I am a very even keeled woman.

I tend not to be weepy or hormonal.

I roll with the punches, knowing life is still good even when it sucks, and I can pull up my boot straps and get the heck on with it when need be.

I don’t believe in looking back unless we can learn from it and then move on.

and rarely, if ever, do I cry.

 

all that said {just so ya’all know I’m not just pmsing in this post-I’m not ;)},

I do get overwhelmed and want to bury my head in the sand sometimes.

most of the time.

 

I know I had a tendency at one point in my life to feel prideful.

I was making good decisions that were God honoring and I felt proud.

I think if I had become the 32 year old woman I had imagined at one point I would be, I would still be prideful.

 

good thing the Lord threw me off my high horse.

it hasn’t been pretty, but I sure have learned a lot in the process.

 

 

my kids are not perfect. {GASP!}

in fact one leads me daily to my knees feeling battle worn and weary.

my once trim figure has suffered medical issues {okay, and chocolate} leaving me overweight and embarrassed.

my house that after only 2 kids was still 95% clean has given way to cracker crumbs and paper stacks and

laundry eruptions.

this last year got tight with finances from a job shift.

I won’t even mention the state of my backyard and the agony it has caused in this household

{looking at that mess is the only time i feel PMSy}

add to that me trying to teach my children at home and you have a woman who not only fell off her high horse but got bucked clear the hell off.

 

I have been known to ask God “where is my manna for today?!” in my best 2 year old voice,

or go in the bathroom and literally beg God for a little more strength.

 

I fail in so many ways.

every.single.day.

 

I go to bed with guilt, wake up resolved to be cheery despite attitudes {cheery is my natural make up, but it soon is sucked dry}, only to drop that particular ball right out of the gate.

if I manage to see my husband out the door with a hot breakfast, a load in the wash by 6am, and devotions under my belt, feeling pretty good,

just wait until 8 am when the “I hate math/you’re the meanest mom in the world/he kicked me/I hate my brothers/I don’t want to brush my teeth” start.

I fall off that high wire and wind up in a pile somewhere down below.

 

 

I’m not saying this to whine or complain or receive accolades.

I’m saying this because it’s the truth.

that hard, ugly, I’mnothingwithout Jesus truth.

and I have a feeling I’m not the only circus performer out there.

 

 

but I know that when I am weary God takes my burdens and fights my battle { Matt 11:28 and exodus 14:14}

and I know that He chooses the weak and foolish to work through {1st corinth. 1:27}

and I am soooooo foolish!

and I know that He will be faithful to complete the work He started in me {phil. 1:6}

I am so glad I serve a God who knows my weaknesses , oh so many, and loves me anyways.

and I am thankful I can give up this foolish balancing act, the juggling and the hand the mike over to Him.

even if it’s every day. or multiple times a day.

He will cover where I ere with my kids, and I will trust Him to do the work I simply can not do.

well, except the cheerios on the floor.

I’ll have to do that.

I don’t think God sweeps.

Blessings,

Mandy

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