My Heart…

Well, it’s almost been a month in Idaho.

I started this journey off trying really hard to trust that this is where the Lord has us.

And I do, I know there is a purpose in bringing us here.

But where my heart truly is?

Honestly?

I’m hoping that this is just a season He has for us here.

I know it takes a long time to settle and find your ‘groove’ and your ‘people’.

But this just feels so wrong to me.

I really don’t like it here.  Oh, it’s been fun to explore Yellowstone and all that.

But still, my heart is Oregon.

I am asking God to change my heart if He really wants us here long term.

I know the heart is deceitful above all things. {Jer.17:9}

And I know it sounds trite, but I just can’t come to terms with never having an oak tree in my yard one day,

or walks in the rain, or the tiny birds that graced my yard.

Our goal for acreage now seems unimportant.

I just want my little yard.

The cold is settling in, snow is supposed to come this week.  I despise snow.  I always have.

I knew that coming here, but now I’m panicking.

Cooped up for months at a time?

Ugh.

I realize I’m whining and being ungrateful, I’m just trying to be real & honest.

I DO see the different kind of beauty here, I really do.

But it’s so opposite of what I have always wanted.

I just keep thinking, “we’ll be back in Oregon in awhile.”

The kids are doing fine,as in never complaining or saying they miss Oregon.

They will say they miss their friends, but never in a truly upset way.

That said, everyone’s tempers are short and the anger is very just below the surface.  I’m not even sure if they understand WHY they are feeling it, but I see it.

The hubby seems to be the only one perfectly content, though as much as he hates snow, it may be short lived.

Anyways, I don’t really know what the point of this post was, other than to answer the questions everyone keeps asking about how we’re doing.

That’s it in a nutshell. I am trying to remain positive, and it works about 80% of the time.

I’m just praying a lot that God would reveal where He wants us long term, and that if it’s not here, we avoid the ‘big’ stuff, like buying a house and all that.

If He does want us here forever, well, I need to feel that conviction deep in my spirit.

I don’t want to be an Israelite whining and complaining and not being aware of the goodness awaiting us for following Him.

I want to obey, and be content in all circumstances.

I want to be in His will, and not out of it.

And I feel like I can be content here, for a season…

I’m just not sure long term…

Blessings,

Mandy

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3 thoughts on “My Heart…

  1. Praying for you Mandy! That God’s truth and voice would be so clear. That your family will look back at this time as a refining your family and see all His good gifts! Love you friend!

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